As someone who has always struggled with her weight, I thought I should write a simple post about how to best support a friend who is losing weight, has lost the weight, is gaining weight or gaining back the weight she lost. Or even a friend who you think needs to lose weight, regardless if she thinks so or not.
Being a woman is hard. Being a friend, not so much!
For a friend who has decided to make healthier lifestyle choices, and is struggling at the beginning:
Tell her that you love her, that she is beautiful and that you know she can do it. That you are proud of her. Empower her to believe in herself and her ability to make the right choices for herself. Remind her that there is no time limit, and no race. Remind her the reasons she has to be happy, listen to her and ask her if she is ok.
For a friend who has lost a significant amount of weight but who has plateaued:
Tell her that you love her, that she is beautiful and that you know she can do it. That you are proud of her. Empower her to believe in herself and her ability to make the right choices for herself. Remind her that there is no time limit and no race. Arrange meet ups that are more active such as coffee in the park as you stroll rather than sitting in the coffee shop, or walking around the shops together. If she asks for advice, and ONLY then, suggest she switch things up a little, by making one small change such as cutting out the soft drinks, even the sugar free ones, or having dinner at breakfast time. Tell her not to give up on herself. Remind her the reasons she has to be happy, listen to her and ask her if she is ok.
For a friend who has reached her goal and is feeling fabulous:
Tell her that you love her, that she is beautiful, that you knew she could do it and that you are proud of her. Empower her to keep on making the best choices for herself and maybe even ask if she has any advice for others on how she stayed motivated. Do not feel jealous or threatened, and if you do, ask her for advice on how to improve your own situation. Do not sabotage her by encouraging too many bad choices “because she can afford a few kilos now.” Those choices are hers alone and should stay that way. Remind her the reasons she has to be happy, listen to her and ask her if she is ok. Remember weight loss doesn't always make people magically happier, they still have issues, weight related or not.
For a friend who is falling off the wagon and gaining back some (or all) of the weight:
Tell her that you love her, that she is beautiful, and that you are proud of her. Empower her to believe in herself and her ability to make the best choices for herself. If she mentions her weight gain (and only if she mentions it) tell her that you love and value her and reassure her that her weight doesn’t matter. Remind her that there is no time limit, and no race. Remind her she can and will start again when she is ready. There is no pass or fail, you can always try again. DO NOT MENTION IT IF SHE DOESN’T. Remind her the reasons she has to be happy, listen to her and ask her if she is ok.
For a friend who gained all the weight back, or never even started but you think she should:
Tell her that you love her, that she is beautiful and that you are proud of her. Empower her to believe in herself and make the best choices for her life. Respect that her priorities and feelings may be different than yours and remind yourself that weight and size don’t matter. They are just numbers, measures of size, not character. If she mentions wanting to lose the weight, encourage her, tell her you support her, and come up with aforementioned plan for healthier catch up choices not revolving or even involving food. Remind her that there is no time limit, no race and that if she wants to, she will, only when she is ready. Remind her the reasons she has to be happy, listen to her and ask her if she is ok.
Haha, this made me laugh!
You'll notice I started and ended all the posts the same way. Because love, support, caring and listening are more important in friendship than things that can be measured.
For ALL your friends: Love them, support, encourage and empower them. Tell them that they are beautiful and help them find the best ways for themselves to see and believe that about themselves at any size. Believe in them and empower them to believe in themselves. That is where the true magic lies. That is the best thing we can do for each other. Do not mention a woman's size. She knows what size she is, why should it matter to you?
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
I don't know about being a tuna fish, and I don't even know about "no matter what" but I do know about loving, encouraging, caring, listening and supporting a friend at every size, stage and wage of her life.