The term secrets tends to be pretty synonymous with the term friendship! If there were some secret to making and maintaining close friendships I’d be sure to blog about it and fill you in. There isn’t a one size fits all solution to friendships, however a pretty important component is vulnerability. We all ideally want that close friend in whom we confide and trust, and who confides and trusts in us, but building those connections can be scary, embarrassing or even humiliating….that is all part of the fun though!!
Maybe you are closer to some of your friends than you actually think you are? Or maybe I just wanted to write a juicy piece about some of the best stories my friends have shared with me, anonymously of course, to make us all smile!
1. Embarrassing stories.
You know you are close with your friend when you are the first person (and only person…. Until now anyway! Haha) she tells about last night when she had some people over for dinner. After the meal was finished, they moved into the lounge area where she squatted down to pet her dog. Unfortunately some of the dog’s fur traveled promptly up her nose, causing her to do a big sneeze. We all know this is dangerous enough as a woman over 35, when you add squatting into the mix, apparently it is a given that you will proceed to wee through your pants in an obvious, loud (tile floor, thankfully I guess?) and uncontrollable manner, in full view of all your guests, while your dog tries to lick up the mess. She then had to walk her guests to the door, with obvious sloshing from her urine filled boots…. Gives a new meaning to “wee wee wee, all the way home.” Haha
Is there anything more embarrassing than public adult urinary incontinence? How about private…. Very private in fact, bowel incontinence! Hahaha. Yep. What are the chances that the same week, a different friend confessed that she had quite the crappy sexual encounter with her partner, and that she just needed to tell someone. Lol When someone says that, it is only natural to want to know more information, but I wasn’t expecting literal crap to be part of it! Apparently, during intercourse with her man, they decided to switch up positions with her on top. Not considering her food choices earlier that day, and caught up in the heat of the moment, she didn’t consider that things were about to get much much hotter in all the wrong ways. The sexually active among us know that sometimes our bodies let out embarrassing sounds and gasses spontaneously during love making (Yes, I just said love making?! Lol) and when you are as comfortable with your partner as my friend is with hers, you just let rip and laugh together. Unfortunately what followed came with little warning and lots of follow through…. All over him!!! That is one way to finish….. although I don’t recommend it…. And neither does he!!! Hahaha
Sharing your most embarrassing stories sometimes takes a level of trust and vulnerability you wouldn’t allow just anyone. I did have my friends permission to write this blog with their stories, but rest assured there are plenty more I would never dare to share! That leads us to point number 2.
2. Private jokes.
I will never forget the above stories, and although I would never dream of humiliating my friends by bringing these things up in inappropriate situations, let it be said that I will also NEVER let them forget either. Haha These confessions will soon turn to private jokes whereby the word “crappy” or the word “nappy” will always make us both laugh for reasons unknown to everyone else (Well, except you! Lol)
This simple exchange tells the world “We are close. We know things. We share secrets.” Some friends even have a whole secret language, full of words, phrases, facial expressions or movements with which they communicate, and often don’t even realize they are doing it. While I would advise against taking it this far, because it can become exclusionary to other people around you, I see no harm in a shared smile when someone says the word “average” or says the word medium, which prompts you both to say at the same time, laughing “average!”
The jokes don’t have to pertain to anything gross, sexual or embarrassing, the point is that if you have a shared word with someone like that, it means you are probably closer than you realize.
3. Behind the scenes.
Jokes aside though, being close and vulnerable with someone isn’t always embarrassing, sometimes it is just difficult. When you are really close with someone you talk about the real things. The stuff you don’t talk about on a Facebook status. The behind the scenes stuff, that you can hardly bring yourself to say out loud as it is. Stuff like “I sometimes resent my kid, and wonder what life would have been like if I never got pregnant.” Or “I called in sick to work today. I told them I had gastro, but the truth is, I got on the scale this morning and I have gained 10 kilos and I just cried all day then ate pizza.”
This is a real conversation I had recently.
Me: You’re late, is everything ok?
Friend: Yeah, sorry, my vibrator broke, so I had to stick it back together with sellotape. I had to do it now before the kids come home from school later.
Me: Sounds like a sticky situation!
Cue laughter. It doesn’t have to be heavy, just private, real and unfiltered.
Your closest friends are the ones you trust to show your real self. The ones who know you see a psychologist, and why, the ones who like your status about your fabulous weekender with your husband, but also know you are on rocky ground. The ones you actually talk to about what is really on your mind, without fear of judgment. These are the friends who have seen you cry, your ugliest cry, and are worth their weight in gold, because with them, you get to be yourself and not the image of yourself that you show the rest of the world.
If you have a friend who talks to you about the real issues, close to her heart, she considers you a close friend. That is a privilege and an honour. I really hope she can return the favour if you are brave enough to open up and be vulnerable in return if you haven’t yet already.
4. Naked Truth.
Naturally being real and being naked go hand in hand. Nothing sparks a person’s insecurities more than being naked. Mine anyway. That said, most of my friends and I have seen more of each other than we care to admit! Between visits to day spa’s that often require a fair amount of co-nudity, breast feeding, or sharing tips on how to capture the elusive sexy selfie or the impossible pretty pussy pictures, it is fair to say we are reasonably comfortable with each other!
Of course, you don’t always even mean to be so comfortable. Sometimes you are just innocently swiping through your holiday snaps with a friend, without remembering to filter out your naughty nudes, and your friend sees more of you than you bargained for! Haha
It’s not always about lack of clothes, you see, sometimes it is the type of clothing you’re wearing that indicates a level of closeness. I recently went to a friends house for dinner and she greeted me in her pyjamas! If that doesn’t say comfortable, I don’t know what does. I said next time I would wear mine too and she agreed that I should!
Most of my friends are fairly comfortable changing clothes in front of me, despite my inclinations for the ladies, and we are actually all fairly tactile too. A hug hello, a kiss goodbye, or holding hands as we move through a crowded street. Although these things are seen to be too intimate for friendships, there is nothing like feeling close enough to touch. Touch is Trust
5. History.
All these things aside, sometimes your closest friends are your longest standing ones. Even if you don’t have private jokes and you keep your personal or embarrassing stories to yourself. These people can be closest because they know who you are from experience. They knew who you were, who you tried to be and who you became. They are likely to know who you will become too. If you can start a sentence with “Remember when we were young…” then you probably have a close friend in your midst. Sadly even the closest friendships don’t always last, so a lasting one is close by default. It is reliable and measurable to some degree.
Whatever stories you have, the people in them are probably closer than the people you tell later, no?
If you can’t relate to any of these points, then it is time for you to start. Tell someone something real or embarrassing and maybe before you know it you will have a long history of private jokes!
Vulnerability is valuable, try it!!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
