What is your friendship style?
As I have had so many friends come and go throughout my life, I have noticed certain styles of friendship. Which one are you? I know I am different styles to different people, however I also observe that some of my friends have had a consistent style with everyone.
Intimate and intense.
These friends get to know you quickly. You might be amazed at how quickly you are revealing your inner self to them. Are you too close for comfort?! Something about them feels warm and comfortable. You feel safe yet vulnerable all at once. Interestingly, they themselves can be slower to open up, but each time they show you a little more you feel rewarded and intrigued. This type of friend is genuinely interested and invested in the more personal details of your life, although they can be strangely disconnected and aloof when it comes to the more mundane matters. You could spend hours just talking with this friend. She energises you. At first anyway. After a while her continued need for intimacy can become too intense and draining. You might find her a bit needy, and suffocating too because she likes to spend a lot of time together. She tends to only have one main friend at a time because she doesn’t trust people not to leave. No pressure! HA!
The Social Joiner.
This friend prefers to see everyone together. If there is a party it is usually hers, and she loves to include everyone. She will happily flit between her work friends and her mum friends and her school friends, speaking to everyone, yet at the same time speaking to nobody. This friend is usually always fun, the life of the party. Smiling and laughing you really like her, but can’t ever seem to catch her alone. She’s not particularly reliable, because a better offer is never far away. Somehow you are good friends, however you don’t know much about her. She probably doesn’t know too much about you either, yet somehow it works. You will be lonely though if she is your only friend. She tends to be a bit of a gossip too. Although she doesn’t know the full story on everyone, she knows enough about everyone to share! This can work to your advantage though because if she knows your secret passion for shoe shopping and someone else who is a manager of a shoe store who could give you a discount she will be the first to introduce you and is happy when 2 people she introduces connect (even without her continued involvement.) There is more to this friend, and if you can get her alone, her inner intimate and intense side will be revealed if you gain her trust. Once that happens, she’s a friend for life.
The Doer.
This friend is the first one you call for support. Need a babysitter? No problem? Need a ride home from the airport at stupid o’clock? She is your girl! Sick? She will be the one to call around with a home cooked meal for you and wash your dishes while she is there. No matter how much she has to do she almost never says no, and if she does, she is extremely apologetic and will offer all kinds of alternate solutions because your problems are her problems. While she is quick to offer help, she is slow to ask for it. You will feel an immediate cooling if you let her down when she has asked, (or even if she hasn’t actually) because she measures friendship by ways of service and helping. She’ll usually always be too busy to do anything relaxing although she often feels stressed and resentful. She can be a bit of a downer to talk to because she will always be talking about how stressed and busy she is. Helping her without being asked is the key to her heart.
The Organised Perfectionist.
This friend will always contact you first, no matter how hard you try to be the one who does. She will always initiate plans, organise the tickets, buy the group gift and see to all the small details of the trip like the travel pills and the airport transfers. She does not like to “wing it.” She likes to always make a reservation and check the menu online first. She does not like suggestions or input from others once the plan is in place. She is reliable and on time. She will not take kindly to tardiness or people otherwise wasting her precious time. She likes routine and structure. If you see her on Sunday morning for cake and coffee at the local café, she will not want to change it to Saturday afternoon at the dog park. She will play the martyr if you don’t suitably praise and appreciate her efforts, but as long as you do and you show up and stick to the plan, you should find her easy to get along with. Some people find this enthusiastic and sweet in the beginning, but begin to feel smothered and controlled eventually by her lack of flexibility.
The Loud Friend.
This is the friend who will complain about the service loudly, send her food back if it isn’t right and can’t resist correcting you if you made a mistake. She loves to be right and won’t hesitate to tell you when you are wrong! That said this friend also always has your back. She won’t stand for people speaking poorly about you or tolerate people treating you poorly. She feels her feelings fiercely, so she loves you hard. She can be scary and intimidating, and honestly sometimes hurtful or embarrassing. Truth and tact don’t mesh well in her world! Listening isn’t her strong point, she prefers to tell everyone what to do and wont hesitate to tell you how wonderful she is. If you do get her to admit she was wrong, don’t take it lightly because it wasn’t easy for her. She is tough and cool and makes out like she doesn’t care what people think, but once you get to know her she is actually a big softie.
The Wallflower.
This friend is the most likely to be embarrassed by the Loud Friend. She appologies too much and too easily and will always try to accept blame when things weren’t her fault. She hates conflict or confrontation and will put everyone else ahead of herself. She will go along with your plans without complaint even if she is allergic to seafood and you chose a seafood buffet. She will just eat the bread sticks and pay her share even though she didn’t drink. She’s not usually adventurous. She will hold the bags when you go on rides at the theme park and she will be the one taking the photo rather than being in it. She really opens up though if you get her on her own, and ask her about herself. Oh how she loves to be noticed despite the effort she puts into being invisible. There is a whole funny quirky bright flower behind the wall, if you care enough to look.
The Parent.
This friend is the one who always has sunscreen in her handbag. She always has handy health tid bits, lives frugally and knows all the latest deals and discounts that she will be excited to share. She is the person you turn to in tough times, although part of you always worries she will disapprove. You seek her wisdom, advice, comfort and praise. Somehow they all feel wonderful and safe with this friend. She can sometimes be patronising when you don’t follow her advice, but it is only because she cares and loves you and wants you to do better for yourself. She will send articles that interest you and motivate you to be the best you can be. She will celebrate your successes as though they are her own, and equally suffer for your losses. You know she loves you and will be there for you, yet sometimes, like a teenager, you feel you need space and pull away to spread your wings. Thankfully she is almost always there to welcome you with open arms when you return.
The Quirky Loner.
This friend loves to be invited although she almost never comes along. Introverted; you might mistake her for shy and innocent although she is no wallflower! She is sure of herself and her interests. She takes pride in herself and knows her limits. She won’t feign interest in things that don’t interest her or show up for the sake of it. She values her alone time doing the things that inspire her. She knows herself possibly better than any of your other friends and feels no need to alter herself or her interests for you. Her interests are varied and unique but she is passionate about them. She might unintentionally bore you with her interests if you feign interest to be polite, because the concept is lost on her. Although you hardly see her, she will be loyal and appreciate your interest. She doesn’t open up or trust quickly or easily, although you get the impression she’ll be worth the wait. If you prove your loyalty you will win her trust eventually, but she isn’t one to rely on you. She is too busy taking care of herself to take care of you so don’t be needy and don’t make her your only friend. The best way to get close to her is to share an interest with her…. Did someone say frog watching while crocheting nose warmers?! Yes please! haha
As I said above, some friends or groups bring out different sides of us. Some of us are a happy or even mismatched combination of a few. Just note how these roles are perceived through the eyes of your friends and watch those negative habits. Whatever type of friend you are – just be the best that you can be!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
