A few years ago I wrote a post about my wonderful network of fellow mummy friends who came out to play in droves over the school holidays. It didn’t matter if they worked or not, as they typically had to take annual leave on school holidays to watch their children. Our summers were filled with indoor playcenters and roller-skating rinks, cafes with playgrounds and sleepovers galore. Amusement parks and fair grounds, science centers, mini golf and movies. We were at all the places all the time. It kept the kids happy and we helped keep each other sane.
I still appreciate the friendships with these women. We keep in touch to navigate school and social pressures, dramas and highs and lows, but now our children are older, they have all grown apart. They have their own friends, the mothers of whom we don’t always know, and many of them do work. Gone are the days when we needed to organize everything for them, they are capable of looking after themselves for the day and arranging their own social activities.
None of this is bad, in the scheme of things. Our children should be encouraged to grow as individuals, choose their own social network and explore their independence. But for us mums who are still at home, can I just say how much I miss those times. As messy, and expensive and exhausting as they often were, I didn’t realize how much I was getting out of these interactions too. These days my kids are online, or at work or out to lunch with their friends on the holidays, and actually, it is really quite lonely for me!
They are far too cool for mum now they are teenagers, and I totally understand that, while I also understand my mummy friends not wanting to waste their annual leave just to sit at home and be ignored by said teens unless they are hungry or need something washed! Both of which they could attend to themselves but some part of me feels grateful to be called on and needed at all! So while the time used to fly by in a blur of social activity, I find myself having to find ways to entertain myself on the holidays.
It is a new experience for me and a transition I am still adjusting to. I love being able to go do the shopping child free if I need to, or go and get my hair or nails done without fussing about babysitters. I love the money we are saving not going to all these expensive places every day. But I don’t love that I am not connected to anybody, and that all there seems to be to do is watch Netflix or clean the house. And there is only so much of that you can do!
It’s not as simple as just keeping my usual routine either, although in some instances this has definitely helped and even been rewarding. But people travel on school holidays, or places get overwhelmingly busy, and now I have a working child, I have to stay somewhat available to drive him to said place of employment at the drop of a hat. Being casual means not much notice is offered. And when they are home, they don’t want to watch movies with me or play Mario Party the way we did when they were young. They are not interested in board games or fun fairs, they want to be hanging out with their friends.
Sometimes that can mean I have a house full of teenagers. Gaming boys and giggling girls, but when this happens I don’t like to leave them on their own, unless their parents are comfortable with that. Many are not which is why they still end up at my place to begin with. Which is ok, it keeps me busy with more dishes to wash, snacks to prepare, bedding to wash and meals to make. But still, with a house full of people I have nobody to talk to!
Thankfully I do have my online friends to chat with and keep me sane, and it does give me time to prepare for the onslaught of birthdays of almost everyone I know between January and April! So I pre write birthday cards ready to go in advance, and purchase and wrap gifts, prepare my GALentines roses and cards, press on with house cleaning, laundry and dishes, paying the bills and working on the budget. It’s not really boredom, just a sense that I cease to exist to the outside world for a month and a half, that still has me gasping for breath at the end of it all. I thought I wouldn’t feel that way now that the kids are older, but here we are.
The point of my post isn’t to complain that everyone forgets about me in the holidays, but to remind you all to check on your mummy friends during the holidays. If you can squeeze in a lunch or a dinner, or a cocktail or a coffee, please do invite us! We need someone to talk to who doesn’t speak fluently in mumble or terms we do not understand. We need to laugh and have fun and leave the house! Even if all you can do is call. Call! We need conversation, information about what has been going on in the outside world while we were trapped in captivity!
To the mothers out there who relate to this post, I feel you! May the force be with you. Here in Australia it is our long summer holidays and we are almost half way through them now! Stay strong sisters! We got this! And we must make up for this lull by insisting on a Fun Friendship February! Who is with me?!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
Every stage of parenting is a challenge in some way or another. Check on your mummy friends with kids of any ages or stages!