Hello loyal readers! Thanks for tuning in for another episode of Friendship Friday! I can’t remember if I mentioned this in a recent post a few weeks back or not, but recently we took the kids to see inside out 2. I loved the first one, so there was no chance I was missing the second one… kids or no kids! Haha If you aren’t familiar with the movie; its an animated kids film with fantastic representation of emotions, and how they influence our actions, portrayed through the life of the main character Riley. The emotions are inside of her, and each one, such as joy, anger, sadness, anxiety and fear (and more) is represented by a character that at times takes the control panel of Riley and controls her actions as a result. Almost as if Riley were a robot with her emotions holding the remote control.
Such a clever concept, and I hope they continue exploring this and release a third movie. However, it also got me thinking about a similar concept for adults, but rather than emotions, we might have several remote controllers; each one being controlled by one of our inner selves. These inner selves influence our thoughts, then emotions, then actions.
Personally, I think I have at least 4 inner selves. The first one is my inner child. She is the one who just wants to have fun. She is the one who has tantrums when things don’t go her way, and the one who makes silly decisions like staying up past midnight when she knows we have to get up at 5am. She is the one who feels jealousy and brings out the inner mean girl. She is the one whining “it’s not fair” and the one who coaxes us to have just “one more” drink! Our inner children probably take the wheel more than we care to admit, and probably the one that causes us the most trouble.
When our inner child gets us into tricky situations, due to irresponsible or careless actions or tantrums, we often have to suffer the consequences. Maybe you had to call in sick to work with a hangover, but you had no sick leave and you know you can’t afford unpaid leave. Your inner child didn’t care about that, leaving you to clean up the mess alone. This is usually when the inner teenager/bully/critic comes in. This is the one who berates you for stupid decisions, the one who tells you that you are useless. And it isn’t always as a result of the messes your inner child creates too.
Your inner bully is there when you are trying to look nice for an event whispering in your ear that you look fat, or your hair is wrong, or that you won’t look as nice as everyone else. If you are going for a promotion or trying something new, this is the inner self that will make you doubt yourself, taunting you with thoughts of failure and humiliation. She is the one who makes you afraid to try, afraid to fail and afraid to succeed.
If you do succeed, your inner people pleaser probably comes into play, telling you that you better be perfect and do everything right or people won’t like you or will discover you are a fraud. She is the one telling you to buy the boss a coffee on the way to work, and the one relentlessly checking the to do list because she is also a perfectionist. She is the one making sure you get up early and arrive early, and the one who tries to make hanging out with her as easy as possible on the other person, by packing the picnic and bringing all the chairs and drinks and glasses too, and picking them up on the way so all they have to do is literally be there. She is the one who is embarrassed to ask for help or let other people see her cry, because she thinks it makes you look weak. She too, often provokes the aforementioned bully if you do not reach her standards.
Lastly, I have my inner parent. She is the one, who, when it all falls apart, will come into the dark places with me and turn on the lights. She is the one who puts the inner child to bed, sends bully to her room, and makes people please scrub the bathroom while she sits with you on the floor and embraces you. She is the one who tells you everything is going to be ok. That the only way from here is up, and she will help you up. She is firm but kind. She will remind you that nobody is coming to save you, that you have to save yourself. She is the one who reminds you to love yourself as she loves you. She is the one who points out you got yourself into this mess, and now it is time to get yourself out of it. She encourages you to ask for help if you need it, and to be responsible for yourself. She is the one who tells you that you have had enough to drink, that you do not need that cookie or that second helping and that exercise and vegetables are healthy choices. She knows that when you make healthy choices, you start to feel better. She is organized and in control. She’s got you and she believes in you.
None of these inner selves are inherently bad, although some of them do sound bad. We just need to make friends with them. We need to embrace them and understand what they bring to us. When we make friends with them, we can talk to them, we can listen to them and bargain with them, rather than them controlling us.
When they creep up, they are trying to tell us what we need in that moment. Maybe we need a break and a little fun. Maybe we need to face a fear and take a risk. Maybe we need to believe in ourselves and be vulnerable. Maybe we need to be responsible and clean up our act, our health or our homes. It’s all about balance. If you let any one of them take the wheel for too long, you won’t be peaceful and happy. But each of them is trying to help you be your best self and take care of yourself. If you make friends with your inner selves, you make friends with you.
You are the best friend you will ever have…. Or the worst enemy and harshest critic. You get to choose….
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
