This is the second installation of a post I started last week about friendships being like money, hard to make and harder to keep! Click here to read it. (or scroll down and then back up if I forget to update the link! haha) The gist of part one is to assess how much you have to give, how much time and effort do you have to invest and does that match with how much you expect to gain in return. Assess how much you are willing to give in return for minimum level of return. Find the balance before you over or under invest. Be conscious of this decision and how it will impact your friendships, not to mention take time to reflect on how it already has until now!
In order to stay in the black, to watch your numbers getting bigger and healthier, you need to commit to investing some time and attention each “pay cycle” as it were consistently. $20 a week for a year is over $1000. Invest ten and the reward is only half. Invest 20 for only half the time and the reward is only half. The key is not over investing. Commit to something you can manage even on your lowest pay weeks, and you will see the benefits slowly growing over time.
The more time that goes on, the more flexible you can be. You can afford to take a week off here and there longer term, because by the time trust and security have been developed you will have the benefits of compound interest on your side adding to your rewards even when you didn’t invest as much. Alternatively withdrawals, (financially, or emotionally) will cost you and eat away at some of those rewards and that is your reminder to recommit and reinvest.
Should that happen, it is ok to reassess how much you are investing. Initially maybe you could only invest $5 but you earn more now and can invest $20. That will top it back up much faster. Alternatively maybe initially you could commit to $20 but not anymore. Lowering the investment might slow the growth of the friendship, however it shouldn’t stall as long as that consistency is there.
When I talk about your money in this article I mean time, and effort. How much can you offer someone in terms of reaching out to them, caring about their problems, offering support, thinking about what you can do for them and enjoying their company? You don’t have to move in with someone to be rewarded, you just need to be consistent. They need to know what to expect from you as a minimum base line. That does not mean you may not offer more at times and less at times, however you cannot offer all your time and attention when it suits you then none when it does not. That is inconsistent. You need to be prepared to make some effort, to see or talk to that person in some way that is meaningful to them and to your friendship on a consistent basis.
Each friendship is different and over the years things change. A longstanding one may have matured to a point that a check in every 3 months is enough to keep it flourishing, whereas a new friendship needs more to get off the ground. A friendship that was always lighter may get heavier and need more or alternatively it may lose weight and need less. As long as you are still reaping rewards, you are doing ok. You will know when you are no longer reaping the rewards, trust me, you’ll feel it. At that point it is time to assess your investment versus theirs, and match theirs or see if you can find ways to get them to invest a little more.
This could be as simple as saying “I miss you, can we spend a little more time together?” Or it could mean assessing the time you do spend and how it is valuable to them, to try and improve their reward from you, to encourage a higher investment. This could be for example reflecting that you have spoken more than you have listened and correcting that by reaching out to ask questions. Or it might mean thinking of something your friend might enjoy doing that you could share together, or even thinking of their circumstance and how you could be helpful to them.
Spreadsheets have debit and credit and totals columns for a reason, because one impacts the other. It is the same with friendships. We can’t get too bogged down in what we have coming in if the problem might be what we are not giving out in return? Spreadsheets balance. Friendships need that too. Even when it is hard, it is worth it long term.
Invest time and energy into your friendships consistently for the best results and watch time grow your connection! Stop investing and you will stop getting benefits, it really is that simple so make time for your friends’ people! You won’t regret it!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
