Usually this is the time of year that people search for the perfect gift to give a special friend. I have written a few posts on the topic over the years, and if gifting is a love language you share with your friend, I suggest you check out the other articles here and here and here.
However, this year I wanted to take the focus off the presents and instead offer ways you can show up for your friends this year. I know Christmas is that special busy time of year specially and almost specifically designed for family, and I support that tradition on the actual day. By all means, if you know someone likely to be alone this year and you are in a position to offer them a place at your table, then do so! The invite will hold significance even if the offer isn’t accepted.
However, if that isn’t a practical option for you, I still think it’s a good idea to share in the festivities with your friends. That might mean planning a group get together (if permitted in your part of the world) and instead of a secret santa, each person writes their favourite thing about the other participants to be read out anonymously as pulled out of a hat throughout the gathering? (Instructions on the Secret Santa Compliments Jar Here)
It could mean setting aside time to have a decent phone call with each friend and letting them know that connecting with them was the only gift you needed and committing to your connection. It could mean making up a meaningful pic collage of each friend and your memories together, with the caption “Merry Christmas, your friendship is a gift that I treasure” that you make a point to send to them on Christmas day, no matter how busy you are with everything else.
It could mean, where possible, showing up the week before and helping each other wrap the gifts, prepare the foods which can be prepared in advance, picking up things you know a friend needs at the shops for them or writing them a meaningful letter to open on Christmas eve.
All it takes is a little foresight into what it is your friend wants or needs from you. Sure it is easy to remember that one friend likes elephants or another likes candles, and simply buy one and move along. But will one more candle be as meaningful as helping someone not to burn the candle at both ends by showing up in more practical ways and relieving the stress? Or by showing up in more sentimental ways without adding to the clutter? Even showing up in sweet ways without adding to the waist line?! Lol
For me, for example it has meant knowing that one friend really wants the perfect matching magazine worthy spread. I am no chef, however I could help her by mentioning that great gold wrapping paper or napkins that would match her theme well, or sending ideas on practical easy tips to achieve the look for less. For another friend it means making time to share a meal she has lovingly prepared, because cooking for people is one of the ways that she expresses her love for you. It means truly enjoying the food, offering genuine compliments, and appreciating her efforts.
For a different friend it meant helping her put up her tree, because she never finds the time and making a night of it by watching her favourite Christmas movie and helping her wrap all her gifts to place under her tree. Whereas another friend needed help with ideas on what to get people, someone to go shopping with and tick things off the list, and someone to help her carry all the bags! For someone else it meant babysitting her kid, taking him shopping to select a gift so he had something to give her on Christmas morning, and helping her older child with the DIY gingerbread house she wanted to use as the centrepiece this year.
For a single friend who was facing a hard year alone this year, it will mean remembering to make time to message her in the morning with greetings, checking in at lunch time to see how her day is going and express I hope it is going well and she is ok, and after the kids are in bed, phoning her to share our day and make sure she doesn’t feel disconnected, forgotten or not cared about.
As long as you know your friends and how to be present for them, you shouldn’t need to buy them a present. Your help, support, love, time and attention should be enough to leave their hearts filled. That is the true spirit of Christmas, giving is a gift! So give what you can, and you might find even the grinchiest friend starting to show a little twinkle in their eye.
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
