I want to start this post by saying that I am as guilty of this as any other person. The reason I have this knowledge is by self reflection and observation of others. I also want to add that I am not telling anyone to ignore their intuition, however I am advising everyone to screen their thoughts and know which is intuition and which is insecurity.
Had I come to this insight sooner, perhaps some of my former friendships may still be current ones. This is because, as I have talked about before, feelings are NOT facts. However they do influence our thoughts, and the human mind tends to follow thoughts like a trail of facts. This can take us on a fact finding mission to support our theory. Friendships are not puzzles to be solved, even if friends may well be!
So what does all this mean? It means that perhaps a friend has let you down in some way. For example, maybe a friend has cancelled plans on you at the last minute without explanation, or for a seemingly small reason? Let’s explore that from both sides.
Jessica has invited Yazmin over for dinner at 6pm. Yazmin has agreed to come to Jessica’s dinner, however, states that she cannot arrive until 6.30pm as she has a meeting after work that day until 6pm.
JESSICA
Jessica is excited today, as she has plans to have her friend Yazmin over for dinner. She has big news to share with her friend, and really can’t wait to see her so they can talk. As today is her day off work, she has time to prepare. She gets up early to plan the meal. She loves cooking for people, as it is her specialty and it is one of the ways she enjoys showing the important people in her life love and care. She knows Yazmin is gluten free and a vegetarian. She is excited to try something new, and has sourced a recipe for spinach and ricotta zucchini cannelloni, and made a list of all the ingredients to buy. After she gets the groceries home, she starts crafting the pasta out of zucchini. It takes ages and she has to go back to the shop to get more zucchini. While she is out she stops at the bottle shop and the florist too, for a table setting and some wine. She wants it to be perfect.
Once the meal is made, she sets about doing the dishes from all the prep work, and tidying up the house. She cleans the bathroom, scrubs the toilet, vacuums and set’s the table. She even does some yard work out the front as Yazmin has not been to her house before and she wants it to look pleasing. By the time all that is done, it is 4pm. Jessica realises that she has been so busy she didn’t even eat lunch! Oh well, she jumps into the shower, selects a nice outfit and does her hair. Just in time to pop the meal in the oven, and whip up a quick dessert.
At 6.15pm the meal is in the oven, she puts the dessert in the fridge and opens the wine. Then she gets a text from Yazmin that reads “Meeting running late, won’t make dinner tonight after all, sorry. Rain check? x”
Jessica slumps down on the couch. All that effort has been for nothing! She thinks of the casual way Yazmin has cancelled, by text not by phone call. Yazmin always texts! Jessica thinks to herself that Yazmin has wasted her day off, and has not even acknowledged how important tonight was to Jessica. Or the effort that she put in. She bet’s Yazmin wouldn't be happy if someone did that to her. Why couldn’t she just come a little later? They had plans. She should have excused herself from the meeting and said she had a prior engagement. That is what Jessica thinks she would have done if the tables were turned. But Yazmin doesn’t prioritise me, she reasons. The more Jessica thinks about it, the more she starts to believe that Jazmin doesn’t really care about her. She starts making a mental list of all the other times Yazmin has let her down. Maybe Yazmin isn’t such a good friend after all. She is distracted by the smell of burning! Oh No! Dinner is burnt to a crisp. While taking it out the oven, she burns herself on the hot pan. She crumples to the floor in tears of frustration and anger.
Later that evening, as she looks in the fridge for something to eat, as she hasn’t eaten all day, she pulls the dessert out and eats the whole lot herself. It makes her angry that her friend isn’t there to taste it, as it really is quite nice. But Yazmin will never know that now!
Yazmin texts her again, when she gets home from work and realises that Jessica hasn’t responded to her message. “Just got home! Long day! So sorry about tonight. Work is a nightmare at the moment. Next time for sure though, I’ll cook to make it up to you?”
This is the last straw for Jessica. “There will be no next time” she hastily texts “In future I will only invite friends who appreciate me and value my time. Don’t bother texting me ever again!”
That night she lies in bed staring at her phone. Waiting for a response from Yazmin. Wondering if it will come. Although she told Yazmin not to text her ever again, what she really wants is for Yazmin to call. To ask about her news. To acknowledge how much effort Jessica had put into today and how much she wanted to see her friend. She wanted Yazmin to want to fix things, to be truly sorry, to make an effort. But the phone does not ring.
Tune in next week to read Yazmin’s story/perspective.
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
