When you are thinking “I like you, but I don’t like myself when I am with you!”
One friend in particular comes to mind when I write this post, but I think we probably all have one of these friends. The type we really do enjoy, but that our mother’s would probably call a bad influence! Are they a bad influence? Yes! They are. But aren’t we all in some small way to someone?
Recently a friend was telling me about a conversation they were having with their partner, and their partner commented that they were probably being a bad influence by bringing cupcakes into the house. However my friend told them it was infact me who had influenced them to eat cupcakes because there was a new flavour in town and I couldn’t get enough of them! I guess it came up in conversation more than once until my friend was eating said cupcakes and feeling bad about it afterwards! This is a minor infraction, if you ask me, as I never insisted that she try the cakes. But I guess I made them sound as delicious as they were! Haha
If you happened to be on a serious health kick, perhaps the infraction would hold more weight, but that still isn’t really what I am talking about. The friend who pressures you to drink too much, even though you are having a great time, or the friend who has you in stitches but at other peoples expense is more the friendship I am trying to describe. The person you really enjoy, however, doesn’t bring out the best in you. The friend who doesn’t take you seriously when you try to be better.
These friends are probably not bad people, they just have an agenda of fun, and they know how to have it. The best jokes are the least appropriate after all and most people do have a better time drunk than sober. The tastiest cupcakes are filled with calories too! That isn’t my fault! Haha The question remains, are you bad for one another?
Sometimes, yes, you probably are. You probably shouldn’t have had that last drink but they bought it for you and you felt you then had to drink it. You didn’t want to eat the cupcake but they were having a rough day and didn’t want to eat alone. You probably shouldn’t have said that hilarious but mean thing about the person sitting in front of you in the theatre. You definitely should try to encourage each other to be better and do better.
I think it is important though, not to blame your friend too much for your choices. Nobody forced your hand. Although they may have swayed the odds in their favour of getting the desired results, you could have been better even if they weren’t going to be. Also nobody is perfect. That person sitting in front of you probably also made a nasty joke about you too.
If you think this is becoming a big life problem, then yes, I think you should distance yourself from that friend. If you can balance the bad with the good that is even better. Encourage your friend to drink a glass of water between drinks, make an effort to say something kind to or about someone as often as you make a snide remark and maybe split the cupcake between you. You are the only person who is in control of yourself and you should be accountable for yourself. Maybe you are every bit as bad as them! So if you introduce healthier strategies, you are being the change you want to see in yourself and leading by example.
It is easy to think in extremes and blame others for our own choices. It is harder to take accountability and make changes. But a good friendship should be able to withstand some balancing changes, and a frank discussion about how you feel bad about yourself after time with them! Not an accusation, but an invitation to brainstorm ways to still enjoy each other but in healthier ways. Go to comedy shows where you laugh at other people’s horrible jokes but say more positive things yourself in your own life. Catch up for activities that aren’t centred around alcohol, or food.
There is only a problem if the ONLY way you can connect with this person is via unhealthy or self-destructive means. If that is the case, take your mother’s advice and move on!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
