Last week we talked about friendship personality types and how to be a better friend based on your friends personality type. This week I wanted to explore compatibility between the types and the pros and cons of each pairing.
Doer + Doer.
Pro’s – Doers thrive in competition with each other, and they motivate each other to be the best that they can be. Each values the opinion of the other in the highest regard and there is tonnes of mutual respect here. Nobody knows how good they are, and how under valued they are, than another doer. Doers are the least sentimental of the types and do not value quality time. But this works for them as neither expect it from the other anyway. Low maintenance friendships are most often between doers.
Con’s – Both are competitive and both are sore losers. Both wants the respect and accolades and neither takes enough time to offer enough praise and stroke the ego of the other. At the end of the day there can only be one winner, so doers tend to surround themselves with the other types even if only for status and support to be the best against the other doers. You are only as strong as your team.
Doer + Connector.
Pros – The pros of this friendship is that the connector can praise the doer effectively without asking for too much in return. They can increase their social network, social status and standing. The doer benefits from the popularity of the connector. The connector feels proud to have someone as bold and confident as the doer in their life, and feels supported by the acts of service the doer can offer in return. As the doer has little time to offer, the fact that the connector has many other friends to meet those needs relieves the doer of pressure to give too much time, attention or reaasurance. Both like a faster paced life and both like to laugh. The connector loves to spread cheer and the doer uses laughter to let off steam and relax as they often don’t take much time for anything else.
Cons – The cons of this relationship is that the connector is so busy tending to the needs of all their friendships and relationships, the doer may feel underacknowledged. They love to be adored, so can at times struggle to keep the attention of the connector. The connector can sometimes feel used for status and underwhelmed by the doers lack of ability to connect on a deeper personal level.
Doer + Improver.
Pro’s – Doers want to be the very best they can be. So they do value the criticism of the improver, they can provide valuable insight and strategy in order to be better. They can be good collaborators, setting goals and achieving them together. The Doer can motivate the improver to be better and apply strategy to their own life, to use that self critic for good and support them to make decisions. The doers confidence can be contagious to the improver. The improver thrives on the clear expectations of the doer. The doer is direct and the improver appreciates that direction.
Con’s – Improvers are self critical already and the doers insensitive nature can be hurtful to the improver. If the improver cannot find a way to soften the blows of the candid nature of the doer, then they may become distant and withdrawn. They may feel not good enough for the doer and stop trying as they cannot figure out a way to conduct themselves in a manner that is pleasing to the doer. The doer finds the improvers more relaxed and quiet style boring and unproductive and starts to under value them. They may end up assuming responsibility for the improver and trying to direct their life and become frustrated when their efforts and advice are not taken and appreciated. Both types enjoy control, and can clash on this issue.
Doer + Stabiliser.
Pro’s – The doer needs the stabilizer, because the doer likes to be in control and the stabiliser enjoys taking the directions of the doer. The doer enjoys feeling like they are improving the life of the stabiliser by being in it, and the stabiliser thrives off lifting the doer up. The stabilizer is the “good woman behind every good man” in the expression. The masculinity and femininity of the types mean they are drawn to each other.
Con’s – It can also mean they are not from the same planet. The stabilizer needs gentle understanding, time and undivided attention -to be seen and understood in their own right and not only in terms of what they offer the doer. The doer finds this need for attention exhausting and unnecessary. In truth the doer doesn’t think the stabiliser deserves attention, they are disgustingly passive and deserve to be used if they are willing to tolerate such treatment, then they are asking for it. The doer does want the stabiliser to do something, to make something happen. But if the stabiliser did, they probably wouldn’t be friends anymore. The stabilizer can be liked or respected by the doer, but not both at the same time. The doer becomes tired of doing everything for the stabilizer and finds them lazy and unmotivated – their biggest fear. Stabilisers are too slow, passive, and frustratingly indecisive for the doer. They don’t understand each other, and the stabiliser will feel pressured, not good enough and unheard, under valued. They like to please people but their very nature is displeasing to the doer.
Connector + Connector.
Pro’s – Connectors love connecting with new people, so when they come together it is like 2 magical worlds colliding and expanding with even more love and connectedness. The more the merrier, this is a happy pairing bringing so much extra happiness.
Con’s – it is exhausting for them to maintain so many connections with so many people and eventually their connections with others in their groups may become stronger than their connections to each other. Neither finds the connection fulfilling enough as both are too busy contending to connecting with everyone else. A little goes a long way but too little and it will fizzle.
Connector + Improver.
Pro’s – The connector sees the depth of the improver, sees their fears and need to be perfect in order to be good enough. The connector tries tirelessly to love the improver just the way they are and creates a safe space for the beauty of the vulnerability and depth to which the improver is capable if they just let their guard down and stop being ruled by the fear of mistakes. The connector is impressed by the improvers power of observation and feels equally seen and attended to in deeper ways than their other friends have the ability to offer. The improver thrives off the attention of the connector, and is impressed that someone so popular and happy would ever include someone more solitary and pessimistic or realistic in their world. The improver values the fun and creativity the connector offers and a glimpse into the world of how the fun and relaxed people live.
Con’s – The improver can be somewhat insensitive to the needs and feelings of the connector. As the connector loves to feel connected and valued, continued criticism from the improver can be wearing. The connector accepts the improver as they are, but perhaps never feels the same in return. The improver sees the suggestions as love, but the connector doesn’t feel loved. The connector may talk to the improver wanting to be heard and validated, but the improver is quick to analyse the problem and offer advice, which leads to a disconnect. Improvers are the least flexible of the types and connectors love humour and freedom and lots of people which make the improvers uncomfortable. Humour can be a grey area, and it can be lost on an improver. Improvers also want to tell the connectors how to improve, but with their positive outlook, this focus on the negatives drains them.
Connector + Stabiliser.
Pro’s – The connector is the most fun type and the stabiliser thrives with this playfulness, as they don’t have to overthink it. They enjoy this superficial way of connecting and the ease and lack of pressure. The stabilizer brings consistency and reliability to the connector. The connector values that they can depend on the stabiliser to do what they say they will do. They each like the attention the other has to offer, and the fact that they sometimes include and introduce them to others. Connectors appreciate the support that the stabiliser has to offer. As connectors are more fast paced and highly sociable, their connections often lack depth and they appreciate that warm place to stop for a moment and feel really seen and heard, even when they aren’t feeling quite as cheerful as they present to the world.
Con’s - The connector feels unsure of the stabiliser. The connector wants to connect, and as the stabiliser likes to go with the flow, the connector feels unsure of who the stabiliser really is and if they are really happy and connected. They sense that the stabiliser would not speak up if they wanted something and that frustrates the connector as they then don’t ever feel like the stabiliser is pleased with them. The stabiliser feels pressured to speak up and step into their light and power to please the connector, but they don’t know how to do that authentically. Each may gravitate towards other friends who feel more authentic and accepting.
Improver + Improver.
Pro’s – improvers understand each other the best. They see the reasons behind critical thinking and revel in endless discussions of armchair psychology. They feel truly seen and understood and validated by connecting with others who think the same ways as they do.
Con’s – They waste their life discussing changes they could make but never do, and convince themselves and each other the world is an unsafe place. They can easily become codependent, feeling safe with only each other but also disconnected from the world.
Improver + Stabiliser.
Pro’s – These 2 types are deeper thinkers and love sharing in more relaxing activities together. Both enjoy similar things like theatre, arts, movies and massage. They are quieter and revel in deep conversation and ruminations. They both love quality time and words of affirmation and easily meet this need for the other. The stabiliser forgives the improver for their negative mindset and critical thinking and understands their need to be better. The stabiliser supports the improvers goals but does not apply pressure for the improver to actually action them. The stabiliser feels most seen and understood by the improver because of the lack of interference by other people or tasks in their bond. Improvers are probably also most compatible with stabilisers. To be fair, stabilisers key trait is an ability to go with the flow and show people whatever it is that they think people want to see. A stabiliser will tolerate an improvers criticism and indulge in the negatives with them. They can also help each other become more organised with deliberation and plans, to declutter their lives and minds. Even if the plans go unachieved, they feel better having mentally tackled the issue mentally at least!
Con’s – Much like the connector, the improver wants to see the real self of the stabiliser. They want to feel like they really understand the truth of this person, but the stabiliser is only happy if the others around him or her are happy. This can lead to confusion for the stabiliser who is being as real as they are able and frustration and distrust for the improver who works tirelessly to earn the trust of the stabliser to see through the mask. The improver can be a little insensitive to the stabiliser and hurt them with their criticism.
Stabiliser + Stabiliser.
Pro’s – Stabilisers will never ever argue or fall out because neither is willing to risk upsetting the other. They are calm and peaceful and get along well. They probably always turn to each other when other’s let them down or fail to appreciate them as nobody understands the sacrifces as much as another stabiliser.
Con’s – Each finds their connection with the other unsatisfying. Neither is willing to take the lead and nothing ever gets done. They like each other fine, but will probably get bored and repel each other a bit like magnets. They are both drawn to the magnetism of the other types and want to be lifting up the successful strong people of the world. They have little to offer each other except validation and understanding on how unappreciated they are.
Does any of this resonate with you? What type are you and who do you think you are most compatible with?
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
