I cannot believe this year is already coming to a close. Alas, it is, so we must take this time to reflect on the year that has passed and how we can be better next year. I know we all do the best we can with limited time, resources and patience, but there is always room for improvement.
Reflecting on this past year, have you spent enough time with your friends? Have you prioritised social time? If the answer is no, that should be your first goal for the new year. Friendships take time to flourish and if you aren’t ever spending any time together they will probably start to flounder.
Maybe you have spent time with your friends, but have you put in any real effort? Is it always them that have to contact you? Is it always them who makes the plans, does the orgainising, gets the tickets and picks you up? Pop a reminder in your phone to check in with people once a week – Friendship Friday’s remember?! Lol Look up some local events or activities you have wanted to try and invite someone along. Organise everything yourself and offer to drive! You don’t have to do all the heavy lifting all the time, but I bet it will mean the world to your friend that you offer sometimes and you’re prepared to make the effort.
Do your friends know what they mean to you? Why not write out a simple Happy New years message for each friend ready to send on the first of January letting them know how much they mean to you and how grateful you are for your friendship? Sometimes it can be hard to express these things to people, so take advantage of the big occasions and let your friends know you care.
Do you support your friends? I have a friend who avoids me when she is on a diet. Lol Not because I sabotage her, but because we enjoy things together that aren’t conductive to weight loss as a general rule. To show my support I could start planning activities for us after lunch and before dinner for example, that don’t require food, and preferably do require movement. Mini Golf anyone? While I am never going to be the person who tells her “Don’t eat that.” I will definitely order a salad with her next time!
Speaking of telling someone what to eat, do you tell your friends what to do and how to live their lives? Try to be patient with your friend who always fails at the diet, goes back to the wrong partner, stays in an unhappy job or marriage or complains about the same things and never does anything to change it. Always use a little more kindness than is necessary and remember we are all on our own paths. Focus on their positive points and encourage them to make their own choices for themselves.
Of course, all this is only applicable if you have friends to begin with. If you are feeling isolated and lonely, then the first thing you need to put on your list is make friends. Make a list of 5 different challenges to make friends. Examples, try an app, join a club, volunteer, ask a co-worker or mother of a child’s friend for her number (or give them yours) or become a member of a support group for something you are struggling with.
If you feel you have many acquaintances but no close friends, try to expand the relationship by taking it beyond the current limits. (Only see one another at church? Suggest coffee at a nearby place afterwards? Only talk about gardening? Expand a little by talking about how your partner isn’t into gardening and you wish they were? Only meet every 6 months? Ask to meet after 3?) Be the change you wish to see, as they say?
The last thing I want to say, although it might be the most important is love and accept yourself as you are. Talk positively to yourself the way you would to a friend or the way you hope a friend would talk to you. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. Forgive yourself and others, trust as often as you can and let go of grudges. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
This past year I have lost friends, made friends, reconciled with friends, hurt people, withdrawn and walked away, apologised, laughed, spent more quality time on the friendship with my husband, invested in new people…. It is all part of the journey. Up’s and downs, waxing and waning, swings and roundabouts. Here’s to more of the good stuff and less of the bad in 2020!
Thanks for staying with me for another year! (or for joining me if you are a newbie!)
HAPPY NEW YEAR FRIENDS!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
