I love my husband. I like my husband. I consider him a friend as well as my partner and our solid friendship provides a solid foundation for our relationship and our marriage. That said, I smiled guiltily when I read this article in That’s Life!
Women prefer their best friend to their husband?! I can’t say I’m surprised by these statistics, honestly! Upon further thought, I’d be surprised if men didn’t prefer their best mate to their wives too! There’s something about friends that make them so much more enjoyable than your romantic partner, after that honeymoon period expires in your relationship that is!
I’ve often wondered why this is. I like my friends. I love them, too. I wonder if the order of those sentiments is important?! I suspect there’s a clue there.
I think, personally, that there’s something powerful about same sex bonds. An understanding that just isn’t entirely possible between the sexes. The more similarities you share in terms of experiences, the more relatable and rewarding these friendships are.
My husband has a best mate at work. They are both married. They both have a child that existed before the relationships with their wives. They both hold senior status at work. They share similar language. They both enjoy the same types of music and both unwind playing online games.
When I compare that to what my husband and I have in common, it’s no surprise when his mate scores way higher. Not only do they share interests, and a sense of humour, they also share stresses that most other people can’t relate to directly. A burden shared is a burden halved, but a burden understood is a much lighter load!
When I think of my own female friends though, I think of the things we don’t share in common…. like our houses, our finances and our relationships. If conversation is the fuel of friendships then the fact that we have new updates for one another about our respective lives definitely keeps the sparks alive. As does the fact that we relate to the stresses and can usually do this relating over a mutually enjoyable activity. Not that we need an activity, talking is the main event anyway.
I wont lie, quite often our conversation revolves around our relationships, as does our humour. It stands to reason that we’d enjoy venting to our friends about our relationships if it leads to bonding and laughter, as opposed to the same conversation resulting in defensiveness and arguments if it were shared with our partners!
This is particularly true if I’m talking to my “mum friends” with children who also have autism. Discussing the particular difficulties we face, as well as the mental load we carry for the family (as discussed here) can see us sharing tears of frustrations, followed by tears of laughter in the space of minutes because talking to someone who understands your stress knows just the joke to make you laugh when you couldn’t imagine cracking a smile.
I also wonder if sex has anything to do with this. I wonder because that’s the one area of our lives that we (usually) don’t share with our friends. Physically that is. I’m sure we actually do share the gory details even if we don’t admit it to our other halves!!! I think the fact that we don’t have this expectation, or this pressure there helps. Friends love us, our company and offer support, without asking for anything physical in return. The same can’t always be said for relationships, with that transaction looming in the air.
Although we often say we want a partner who is a best friend, I don’t know if that’s realistic. Most of you would probably agree that even if you could imagine it, a relationship with your bestie would likely smother the flames.
I think it’s ok to like your friends more than your partner. Equally it’s ok to love your partner more, or differently at least, to your friends. You committed to your partner and with that comes a level of responsibility that your friendships don’t carry. There’s a freedom with friends. We can have many, and our separateness, ironically is what binds us.
Maybe it’s a bit like having grandkids; all the fun with none of the responsibility?
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
