I love Christmas. I love the trees and lights and decorations and cheesy movies. The gifts, the shopping, the wrapping, the music and even all the preparing. It’s just such a happy time of year. The drinks are flowing, the food is rich and indulgent and friends and family celebrate together from near and far….
Or do they? While the aforementioned cheesy movies do indeed paint us a picture of large gatherings including all our friends and family, perhaps that is why I like them? They are selling me a dream of how Xmas should be in a perfect world. Alas, in my experience it is far from the world we live in.
Take my Christmas day for example. In August my mother in law asked me to bring my parents over to their house for Christmas day lunch. The kids could swim (it is summer here, remember) and the adults could supervise from the airconditioned padio extension while chatting, eating and drinking. Sounds good, and when we did it last year, it was good. However, last year my brother was away for Christmas day and this year he isn’t. Well, my mother in law doesn’t like large gatherings, so although my parents were invited to the gathering, my brother, his wife and children, and possibly her extended family, were not included. Not to mention my uncle who is visiting for the holidays from the UK. So I asked my own mother what her plans were, and she informed me we were all going to my brother’s place this year for lunch.
Are you keeping up? So I confirmed the plans with my brother, then I had to ask mother in law if we could do a dinner with them instead, as we would be having lunch with my brother this year. Nope. My mother in law specifically wants to do a lunch. Ok, we agree that Boxing day lunch with them will suffice, and she says she will book them in for a fancy restaurant for lunch on Christmas day instead. (They will be alone on Christmas day now, because my husband is their only living child) Except then my brother calls in November, to say his own mother in law has refused to travel to them for Christmas lunch and is insisting that my brother and his family travel to them for lunch that day. As it is quite a drive to where they live and he doesn’t want to rush back up in the heat, can we do Boxing day with them he asks? Sigh. No, I tell him that wont be possible as I just promised my mother in law Boxing day lunch.
So my mother is now hosting a dinner at her house. This is nice, as it will be the last time we all gather for Xmas in my childhood home before the new chapter in my parent’s life begins. My mother in law will be invited but is unlikely to attend. My husband is pleased with this arrangement as he hates rushing around from place to place on Christmas day and not getting the chance to relax and have the kids enjoy their gifts. If we open gifts in the morning as a family and then they play and he relaxes while I clear everything away (the same things I planned, bought, wrapped, set out, counted etc…) then we will be ready to go to mums…..
Except, then my husband’s roster changed and now he is meant to be working on Boxing day….. So yeah, I’m annoyed!!! The visions of everyone coming together are fantasies for a reason. It has to end somewhere and it just isn’t practical. And we have a relatively small family. For split families and people with huge extended families it must be a logistical nightmare!!!
And that is just family. What about friends? While I do what I can to check in with my friends on Christmas day, there just really isn’t time to include them. One of my friends hosts a brunch for her other single friends, and I simply love this idea, but for those of us with partners and kids etc…. it simply isn’t practical.
Someone wrote in asking me to touch on this topic specifically, this isn’t just a venting session. Haha While the movies see us making more time for our friends at this time of year, in reality it seems we use this time of year for family, extended family, obligations, and catch up’s with people from far and wide. Those out of town/state/country friends and family rather than the people we turn to for support in our daily lives.
Think of that person you always call on in an emergency, or the one who babysits for you, or the one who’s always giving you favours and advice throughout the year? The movies would have us believe that these are the people we celebrate with, the people we fuss over and can’t wait to spoil. In reality it seems these are the people we actually forget in favour of everyone else who isn’t there for us, whether it’s because they can’t be or not. I have to admit when you think about it, it does leave a sour taste in your mouth.
So what can we do about it? Why don’t we try to make Friendship Xmas celebration? Like Festive Fifteenth – Friends only!! Make it just like xmas day, plan it early so everyone can make allowances and commit to it. Invite all the people you are close to everyday, not just the ones you are close to at Christmas? And if you are feeling a bit sour, then I’m talking to you. Plan something yourself.
Have understanding that your friends Christmas is probably 100 times more hectic and complicated than my own, and it is a time of year we use as an excuse to catch up with the people we never really get to see. This is not a bad thing, but it does suck that it comes at the expense of the everyday people who may feel excluded or forgotten or unimportant when it boils down to it.
At the end of the day, if you’re feeling excluded on Christmas day and you want to celebrate with people the onus is on you to reach out instead of sitting back and feeling sad that nobody invited you?! Maybe all your friends feel the same way? One way to find out?
Whatever your plans are and whomever they are with, I wish you all a happy, safe and stress free holidays! Ok that last one is definitely fantasy! Lol
Cheers. I’ll drink to that!!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
