Well my lovelies, this week, while discussing house renovations and changes with a good friend of mine, we came to discussing a few pieces of artwork that my friend displays, which were actually gifts from ex friends and lovers from her past. Some she was ready to part with, purely on the basis that they came from someone she no longer wishes to remember, and some she wanted to hold on to because she really liked the pieces, but really disliked the reminder of the gifter at the same time.
This was fairly relatable to me, as a few friendship collages sprang to mind, gifted to me by people who have since left my life. Both of which are now packed away neatly in a cupboard. I no longer wished to display them, it would seem strange and inappropriate, however, I also didn’t feel right in discarding them. Actually, I didn’t want to discard them, because all the memories captured with that person were still valuable and happy from that time of my life. Seeing them everyday and knowing things didn’t work out might be painful, but looking at them occasionally as I go rummaging in the cupboard to find something else, gives me pause and makes me smile.
Although these people are no longer in my life, that doesn’t mean I don’t wish them well. But, my friend reasoned, what is the point in keeping artworks you no longer display or really look at. Maybe I am sentimental, or maybe it’s just my hoarding tendencies, so although I see my friend’s point, this approach works for me. The thing I have more trouble with personally, is what to do with gifts I purchased for a specific friend before they left my life, that I never had a chance to actually gift them?
I am a pretty organized person when it comes to gifts, and I like to be prepared. So I might buy your birthday and Christmas gifts at the same time, even if there is months between the occasions. I like to make lists and have ideas ready to go. I like to have time to order things online so they arrive in plenty of time. I like to have budgets for how much I expect things to cost. Usually things run smoothly and I appreciate the ability to just pull out a gift “I prepared earlier” on the day at short notice without much stress. I often write the cards in advance too. Reading these back does sting.
When the system works, it is a beautiful system. But just like any system, there are sometimes unforeseen glitches. Which has at times left me with very specific gifts, and nobody specific to gift them to. And when I see them laying around, it is a painful reminder that I lost the opportunity to show someone I cared for a token of my friendship. It hurts to know that they left my life, and how I hadn’t seen it coming. It also hurts if I cannot return the items, which is sometimes the case, depending on the retailer and the amount of months that have passed since the purchase.
I wont lie, sometimes it’s satisfying to return the gift if I am able, and receive a little financial bonus boost of unexpected gains. But sometimes I am left with obscure items that this person would have loved, but that aren’t necessarily suited to the tastes of most. I hate seeing them there, but I also hate waste too, so it is a real conundrum.
The friend I was speaking to about this issue, decided she was going to sell the item she was looking to discard online. While I have time and ability to do this, it is such a hassle that I have never really bothered. If I can think of someone to regift said item to, that is my first point of action. Saves me getting them something else, saves money and they are none the wiser that they were not originally the intended recipient. However, there isn’t always 2 people in your life with a specific love of teapots or a collector of old records for example. Sometimes I have to get crafty and gift the teapot to a child for a tea party, or repurpose the record into wall art.
If I can’t come up with a more creative solution, then I will ask my existing friends if they know of anyone who might be interested in said item, and happily gift it to them to pass on as a gift from themselves if the shoe fits. I might pass it on to someone who is selling things to raise money for something, or donate it as a prize for the school raffle. Failing all else, I will usually get around to making that trip to the charity shop eventually. It does serve as a good reason to go through things and clear out items that are now just gathering dust.
Whether the gift was given to you, or you bought it for someone, it is really up to you what you choose to do with it. You are certainly under no real obligation to return it – and when someone did this to me it just added salt to the wound honestly. I’m guessing that was the intended result! It worked. You are perfectly within your rights to keep it, and either stop associating it with the gifter, or use it to serve as a reminder of the happier times between you. That said, you are also under no obligation to keep it. All my suggestions so far have been recycling or regifting or repurposing…. But if it feels satisfying for you to bin it, then do it and don’t look back.
There is no right or wrong here, the person has left your life, so they probably give no thought as to what you will do with items they gifted you, and if it was items you bought for them, that’s even better because they don’t even know about it! Your life is in the today and in the future, so if something you received no longer fits with the person you’ve grown into, don’t keep it. What is it Marie Kondo says… if it doesn’t bring you joy… (and especially if it brings you pain…. ) get rid of it in one way or another and make space for more positive energy from things that do bring you joy!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
