I like to imagine we have all found ourselves in this predicament…. But maybe it’s just me? Lol Either way I have definitely found myself questioning, overthinking, analysing and justifying the words and actions of someone I thought of as a friend, and whether or not they felt the same way about me.
After reading this article on www.sciencealert.com, written by Bec Crew on 01 May 2018, entitled “Only Half Of Your Friends Actually Like You, Science Reveals.” I thought it was time to write a post describing some of the signs I have experienced or friends of mine have experienced that let you know your friend may fall into the half that doesn’t really like you that much. Sigh.
It’s important to note that any one of these signs does not qualify as conclusive proof that your friend doesn’t like you. We all get busy, have stuff going on, withdraw due to stress or drop the friendship ball from time to time. Some of us are flakier than others and show friendships in different ways. But if you recognise most or all of these signs from a particular friend, it may be time to start growing some different connections.
The only other thing I want to add before we go on, is to question yourself too, and make sure your expectations are reasonable. Neediness will make people with healthy boundaries quite uncomfortable, so if you are asking for too much, again, the advice is grow more connections in different directions instead of asking one person to meet ALL your friendship needs. Not meeting one or 2 is not a sign that your friend doesn’t like you, it is a sign you must make new friendships to meet those needs in other ways.
1. She takes DAYS to answer your messages.
So you texted your friend to see if she wants to go to the movies Friday night and she doesn’t get back to you until the Sunday after. She either comes at you with an excuse, or just acts as though it never happened. If she gets back to you at all. The first time it happened you let it go and gave her the benefit of the doubt, but now it seems to be becoming a pattern. You want to believe whatever excuse she gives you because it hurts less than accepting this: She’s just not that into you!
2. You always initiate plans, and she usually cancels them.
If it is starting to feel like you are bothering your friend when you ask for her time and attention, it might be time to accept that she doesn’t want to give you any. Either she is too polite to say no, so she says yes and cancels later, often at the last minute, or she never has any intention of following through. Granted there are people who jam pack their social calendar, agreeing to more than they can actually do, and always letting people down as a consequence. If however it always seems to be you who gets dropped off the list, that tells you everything you need to know.
3. She never makes you a priority.
It doesn’t matter if you just got a promotion at work, had a baby, or broke a leg, you just know that she wont be there for you. She will forget to call, make excuses not to attend the party or the hospital, and will never send a gift or a card. She never checks in just to see how you are, and spends most of the time you do see her spouting on about how busy she is and how much SHE has going on. She expects you to be there for her, but puts no effort in, making you question what you actually get in return for your friendship? She will find another audience, time for you to exit stage left!
4. Your time together is limited.
While she does make the effort to catch up with you once a month or so, it is always somewhere impersonal like a café, and there is always a reason it can only be for an hour or less. She spends the time checking her watch and you feel as if she is relieved when your time together is over. She probably is. This is more common with long term friends who have drifted apart. There is a sense of obligation to keep up your connection, but nobody likes to feel their friendship is obligatory do they?
5. Conversation is strained.
Sure, some people are more private than others, but if it feels like you are interviewing your friend and she is giving one word answers (in person, on the phone or over text/messaging/email) then you are probably not wrong in assuming she is trying to end the conversation. There is, of course, a difference between not wanting to talk about a certain subject, than not wanting to talk to you at all. So if you change the subject and still find your friend seems to be avoiding engaging and continuing the conversation you’d be right in assuming she wants it to end. We all have times we can’t talk right now, but if she always communicates like this with you then I believe she is trying to tell you she doesn’t want to keep communicating with you.
6. Her body language is closed.
Assuming you’re not sitting in the snow, and your friend isn’t autistic, folded arms, lack of eye contact, lack of appropriate facial expressions, or nodding, or being glued to her phone etc… are all signals that your friend is disinterested, and probably not listening to you. Obviously asking if there is something on her mind, would be the first response, however if this pattern of disinterest continues each time you encounter her, and she never remembers anything you spoke about last time, then you have your answer. No she wasn’t listening and no, she probably doesn’t care that much.
7. They never ask you to do anything, but are always telling you when they do things with others.
Or they forget your birthday, even a big one, yet make a big fuss of another friends birthday, host a party and invite you to it! If every catch up they tell you how much time they have spent with everyone else, what they did to celebrate, what’s happening to whom in their life, but never seem to know what is going on in your life, that is a pretty big clue that they are capable of showing interest in friends… the ones they like anyway!
8. They only talk to you when they want something.
Now I sound disturbingly like my mother, but her point has merit. If you only ever hear from someone when they want something, like babysitting their kid, yet are busy whenever you need a favour, you might well start feeling a little used. While your friends love language may well be acts of service, if she is not speaking to you in your love language then you are within your rights to start declining to help her out much more often. If she just wants a babysitter there are services she can call.
9. They never call, and they never answer when you call.
Ok, I was reluctant to write this one because I don’t much like speaking on the phone. I wouldn’t call it a phobia so much as it just isn’t my preferred contact method. That said I have at least 2 friends who much prefer a call to a text. They do understand that where I can I will text them back if I couldn’t answer… but if I can answer, I will, and if I need to, I will call back. This is even worse if they are always taking their other friends calls when you are with them. There’s no avoiding this one, if someone is always glued to their phone, except when you call, they probably don’t want to talk to you.
10. You just FEEL like they don’t really like you.
Maybe they quite bluntly criticize you, question your character, challenge you, put you down or make jokes at your expense. Perhaps they pressure you or try to change you, or just never seem open and comfortable around you like a guard is always up. Or maybe you can’t quite pinpoint what it is specifically but your gut is telling you that their friendship seems false or fake somehow. Follow your instincts.
Your friend is not a bad person, but you deserve friends who meet your need to feel happy, safe secure, seen, heard and valued. If you are left questioning these things, get out there and see who else could fill the gaps! I don’t recommend having a conversation with your friend about this, as you meet new people you will genuinely pull back from these friendships naturally. If they want you in their life, they will notice your absence and do something to change it.
If people don’t want to be your friend, you can’t force it, but on the bright side, when someone does want to be your friend, when they do like you, you JUST know!! Honestly. If you don’t know, that might be your answer! Sorry!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
Don’t waste time worrying about this. Go find friends that like you just the way you are!