Have you got a friend who is terrible with money? The kind who is always complaining about having none, then telling you all about the purchases or expenses she didn’t need? Even if she earns a good wage? The kind who “forgets her card” at lunch or “will get you next time” but never does? The kind who suggests an expensive event with you because she knows you will get the tickets and she can pay you back later? If she does.
This friend is usually heaps of fun to spend time with, because she is carefree. She isn’t as concerned with responsibilities as everyone else, and somehow it seems to work out for her. She is usually a pretty good friend, on the surface. She says all the right things, lifts your spirits with her love and adoring words. Most of the time you don’t even mind buying her lunch, even if she did suggest that expensive winery with the $100 lunch special! Ha!
You definitely don’t consider yourself a score keeper, yet you find yourself wondering when the last time she paid for herself was? You don’t want to seem stingy or to embarrass her, but you are starting to feel a little used. You don’t want a confrontation and you don’t even want her to pay for you necessarily, just for herself would be nice.
If this is sounding familiar, chances are you have already tolerated this problem, which has added to the pattern of behaviour. The good news is that you also have the power to change it. If you want to maintain your friendship, without feeling like you are paying for it as such, here are some things you could do.
Enmity - a state or feeling of active opposition or hostility. I didn’t know either! Lol
1. Confront your friend. Tell her before you make plans that you paid the last few times, so it is her turn to pay. If she says she can’t afford it, tell her that is not a problem, you are happy to have lunch in her home, or even just a coffee. Emphasise that it is about the company and the conversation not the food or the finances.
2. If you don’t feel comfortable raising the issue directly, ask your friend if she is struggling financially. If she says she is, assure her that you don’t think less of her for it and thank her for opening herself up to you. If she asks why you asked, just say you have noticed a few little things that made you wonder. Suggest free activities for a while until she gets back on her feet. Anything from a walk in the park, to a visit to a local museum or just a chat on your lounge or hers!
3. Determine how much you are willing to spend and stick to it. Sometimes it’s not about paying for your friend, maybe you really don’t mind that, it’s just getting expensive? Either way, you can be clear with your friend. I’m cutting back on my expenses. I only have $20 left to spend today. You can get creative in looking for 2 for 1 deals, discount coupons or $10 lunch specials. Your friend may even learn a thing or 2 about being more thrifty as an added bonus!
4. Change the timing of your catch up’s. Instead of getting together for lunch, tell your friend you will see her in the afternoon – make it clear it will be after lunch. If she still suggests food, you can tell her to go ahead but you are full from lunch.
5. Start saying no or winding down the amount of time you see her. You don’t have to suddenly end the friendship, just change it. Perhaps you could spend less time in person, but message or call more often? Your weekly lunch could become a monthly after dinner drink, or morning tea?
However you decide to handle this situation, stay strong. You should not be pressured or manipulated to spend money. Friendship should be free, and is it’s own reward. If that isn’t enough for your friend, she’s not a wise investment, emotionally or financially.
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
