We are all special and unique individuals, so it probably isn’t fair to say the friendship is THE key to happiness, even if I think it might be. Each person has a unique lock, and only a unique set of keys will open their heart to happiness. However, I think you will find on every set of keys there is one called friendship.
It’s probably wise to have a set of keys anyway, not just one, because we all have those times when it seems everyone else is busy and we need to find other ways to soothe, entertain and enjoy ourselves on our own. That is why we ultimately hold the only master key to the lock, and we should never put it in anyone else’s hands. Nor any one basket or category.
My friends make me happy, but it would be unwise to think that was the only source of happiness. Similarly, if I give my master key to a friend, I then need that friend to be happy. Same if I give it to my husband, my children, my therapist or my family. It is important to keep that key for myself because I am the most consistent person I spend time with and I need to be able to unlock my happiness at any time and in any circumstances.
There have been times when I accidentally gave my master key to someone, and then I struggled to get it back. In extremes it can feel like addiction to a person. Because you can’t unlock happiness without them, suddenly they become far too important and powerful. You might spend hours ruminating over an unread message or cry over cancelled plans, and neither of you quite understand what has happened to make you so needy! You accidentally gave them your key!
It is therefore wise, to really get to know someone slowly before you trust them with your friendship key. Get to know their habits, gain an understanding of their history with people, and understand their beliefs, values and hobbies. Observe how they spend their time before you trust that you will be compatible as friends. Acquaintances are on the entry list, but they haven’t earned a key yet.
Be mindful of intense bonding phases, as these tend to be friendship flings, and don’t mistake emotional intensity and intimacy for compatibility. It is a connection and it is important, but it can also blind your judgement for overall character. As with any relationships, platonic ones will also have a honeymoon phase where everybody is on their best behaviour and as Natalie Lue from baggage reclaim likes to say “People unfold” slowly after that revealing their true selves and the less flattering sides.
Until we spend a solid and consistent amount of time with people, we don’t yet know their communication skills, style, love languages or conflict resolution skills. We don’t yet know if they are avoidant or abusive. What we feel initially is spark, which is important, however instead of a bang, it should be a slow burn.
Let’s not forget you are also revealing yourself and earning one of their friendship keys too. So when someone earns a key, you know in your heart you can trust that this person consistently supports you and leaves you feeling good about yourself and happy and vice versa.
So what happens then if you do give your key to the wrong person and you find out too late and you can’t get your key back? I have good news for you. Chasing them for your key is fruitless, so don’t waste your time. Focus on your other baskets and your other key holders, while you quietly change the master lock behind the scenes and reset those entry keys. Then the person who had your key and wouldn’t return it no longer has power over your happiness and you learn a valuable lesson about the keys to your happiness on the way!
On that note, remember to handle your friends’ key with care too, you use it to unlock happiness with in them, so be mindful of your words and actions and if they are making people happy. And remember to use it because there is nothing sadder than losing a friend because you lost their key!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
