We hear often these days about how friendships are hard to make as adults. I don’t deny this to be true, but I tend to question, is that because we are missing the signs or attempts of others to become our friends in the first place?
Making friends as a child or young person seems so much easier, but is that just because we are more open to new friendships then? More trusting and less selective? Maybe that is not such a bad thing? As we grow older, we have learnt from experience that not everyone is our friend, and that can leave us wary of new people. Added to that, we may be closed off to new people because of all the judgements we have learned to make along the way?
Not only that, but our social circles are more well developed, and we may have more strict criteria we are looking to fill. Not to mention that of course, we prefer to make friends of our own selection than perhaps be the passive selection of someone else.
I am not suggesting all of these things are negatives, I am just as guilty as anyone else of having a quiet preference for the type of friend I am open to making, or should that be hoping to make? What I am saying is that perhaps these things all add up over time and make us blind to some of the subtle, or not so subtle hints and signs that people around us are putting out that they are available for friendship!
1. They take an active interest in your life.
You might hardly know this person, or perhaps only know them in a casual or professional sense, yet every time you see them, you notice they remember details you told them last time you met up. They follow up with you about how your holiday family dinner went, or remember that last time you spoke they considered buying an air fryer and ask if you decided to get one. Sure, maybe it is just polite conversation, but if you don’t remember anything they disclosed, you might be missing a new opportunity for connection.
www.baggagereclaim.com
2. They mention places they have been
What if every time you cross paths with someone they are telling you all about the latest new bar or comedy club they have been to? You might think that they are just bragging, and making you feel bad for the lack of places you go, but in reality maybe they are hoping you will take an interest and ask to join them sometime or maybe hoping to meet you there?
3. They invite you places
Maybe this person is always hosting a pyramid scheme party and inviting you along and you think they are just trying to make money. Or maybe they always seem to be hosting dinners or parties and say you’re welcome but you feel it is more of a pity invitation than an actual invite, because the party came up in conversation. Chances are though, that they do actually hope you will come along. One of my very close friends and I started this way, and she said that she liked that I always said yes, even though I didn’t really know her or anyone else there. Haha Maybe this is in line with my quality time love language, or maybe I was just a new mum desperate to get out of the house away from the baby at any given opportunity to have adult conversation!
4. They compliment you.
Ok this might make some of you squirm a little, but friendships aren’t that different to relationships at the onset. If someone always has something positive to say about your clothes, scent or personality, chances are that is their way of telling you that they like you. You might think they are just being nice or trying to flatter you…. But why would they do that? Because flattery gets you everywhere, that is why! Not to mention that we generally like people we admire, and we generally compliment people we admire…. So you do the math….. A person who expresses love by means of words of affirmation is most likely to use this tactic to make friends.
5. They buy you things.
Ok, so I should start by acknowledging friendship is not something that can be bought, but if your colleague often buys you a coffee in the morning, it may be their way of telling you that they thought of you and remembered your order. Or if they often say they saw something they just had to get for you, however small, a magnet or a pen, they are probably trying to reflect in their behaviour that they consider you a friend. Everyone has a different love language and theirs may be gifts.
6. They are always doing favours for you, or even asking you for favours.
Obviously, working love languages into this piece brings us to acts of service. Some people measure friendship by how helpful 2 people can be to one another. So, if the person sitting next to you suggests an exchange of favours, for example, they will type up your meeting minutes if you wouldn’t mind scanning in some papers for them instead, you may find they are actually trying to befriend you. Or if they walk past 4 people to ask you to borrow a pen, or are the first person to offer you one when yours stops working, chances are, they are interested in friendship!
7. They hug you hello and goodbye.
Ok, for some people this might simply be a cultural thing, or others may feel it is the polite thing to do. However, for many people this is another way they indicate that they feel comfortable and close with you, as most people don’t customarily hug strangers or acquaintances. Even an over enthusiastic hand shake can indicate interest and excitement! Of course this touches on those people who have a love language of physical touch, which does extend to friendship in subtle ways. Arm touches when they laugh, or a loving embrace during a tough time.
This is not meant to be an inclusive list, these are just a few of the things you might be missing when someone is interested in being your friend. We tend to relate better to people with the same styles or approach as our own, however we may be missing out on some fantastic people because we don’t recognise the signs.
At the end of the day, not many people will approach friendships in a direct blunt manner and simply ask you for friendship. It is a more subtle dance than that, whereby you make increasing reciprocal steps until it feels safe to define it as a friendship. If you don’t recognise the steps, you may be out of sync!
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
OF FRIENDSHIP