We are all familiar with the media depictions of the best friend characters who are inseparable, have a very long history and they know and fit each other like gloves. I like to think many of you have friends like this too. More often than not these characters know one another better than each know his or herself. For example, one will know that the other will be late to his or her wedding because he or she is always late, even though the person themselves swears they will definitely not be late to something like a wedding. Something always happens to justify both plot lines, doesn’t it? Like the person was running early but then they get trapped in a fire and arrive late or whatever other unlikely thing gets in the way!
The reason we love it is because it is fantasy and it fits in with the illusion that people can be neatly categorised into one box and will never move far outside of set expectations. It sells the idea that long term friendships exist and that with that consistency comes a deep understanding of someone. And of course, the idea that friendships never end, which is definitely fantasy. However, sometimes you do meet a rare someone who does seem to know you better than you know yourself, or at least better than you would expect given that you are not lifelong inseparable friends who grew up together on a farm etc…!
It may not be because of your deep connection, maybe some people are just exceptionally intuitive. Perhaps they read body language better than most or are simply more observant. But these are the people who seem to know when you are not ok. When they sense things are “off” with you despite you trying hard to conceal whatever inner turmoil you are experiencing. I have written before about the power of a friend who hears the things you do not say, and these are just the friends I am talking about.
Perhaps what is magical about them is that they seem to be paying attention. They tune in to your energy and look past what you are saying and doing. They want to understand you and help you, if only you will let them. We don’t always do that. Sometimes these people scare us and we push them away, preferring to believe the image we present to the world that all is ok. Other times we may deny the issue, or minimise it insisting we will be alright. While this is true, the process would probably be quicker if we open the door and let them in. After all, only a select few even knock to begin with.
I have a friend like this, and it took me a very long time to start opening up to her. Yet, with relative consistency and patience, she pulls out of me the things I dare not say out loud. She does not ever judge me, always listens with an open heart and mind, even when her own plate is full, which it most often is. I know because she shares with me too in such a beautifully unrestricted way, that it gives me permission to do the same.
And the interesting thing is, the more I lean in to this friend, the more I let her in, the more in tune with her I become as a result. The more I start to intuitively sense that I need to reach out to her. The more comfortable I become with initiating conversations at random without invitation, the more we share. And suddenly it is clearer when she is venting and when she is at breaking point. Or when she is excited or confused or overwhelmed.
We have a tendency to assume everyone else’s problems are worse than our own. And to be perfectly fair and frank, her problems are worse than mine. Which is why it means so much to me that she puts them aside for a moment to make space for my seemingly small woes and encourages me to see value in my own voice as much as anyone else’s. That she can ask me to talk about what is on my mind before I am consciously aware that anything is on my mind, or before it festers into a mountain when it could have stayed a molehill.
In return I try and turn her mountains back into molehills, or at least prevent them from becoming active volcanoes.
To my friend who knows me better than I know myself emotionally, thank you for taking the time to tune in to me and to notice when I am not ok even when I am trying to be ok. I don’t know how you read me so well, or how you read everyone so well. But I do know you are worth your weight in gold and I don’t want you to have to sense it, I want to tell you how much I love you and how valuable you are to me.
❤ Love,
Your Best Friend ForNever
xx
